


Today is Turquoise

by usniverse



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Slice of Life, Synesthesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 15:07:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14834594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usniverse/pseuds/usniverse
Summary: Not everyone was granted with a capability to understand Jung Wheein. One among the luckiest was Ahn Hyejin, her best friend for life. Another, who had been trying so hard to, was Moon Byulyi.It was December when Byulyi realized it was effortless.





	1. Chapter 1

Not everyone was granted with a capability to understand Jung Wheein. One among the luckiest was Ahn Hyejin, her best friend for life. Another, who had been trying so hard to, was Moon Byulyi.

 

It was December when Byulyi realized it was effortless.

 

* * *

 

If not for a chemistry class, Byulyi and Wheein would never cross paths. Chemistry was the only class Wheein had without Hyejin, hence she would always sit at the very back, near the window, by herself.

 

That, until one day

 

“Is this seat taken?” Byulyi asked.

 

Wheein was stunned. It took her a couple of seconds before eventually shaking her head. Byulyi only raised her eyebrows while taking a seat, slumping her backpack down onto the floor.

 

Rumor had it, that there was a girl who was just the true epitome of strange. ‘A total freak,’ some mean girls would say. It was no secret that they referred to Wheein, in which Hyejin would always confront anyone who dared to voice it out loud. But Wheein would always pull her best friend back and shook her head, flashing her a dimpled smile.

 

Byulyi was about to test the truth of the rumor when the teacher decided for a chemistry project that would require the students to work with their seatmates.

 

* * *

 

“So…” Byulyi started. It was the second time she sat beside Wheein and she hadn’t uttered a single word. Only showing her dimples when she greeted Byulyi with a smile.

 

Byulyi secretly thought it was cute but the project couldn’t be done by a silent smile.

 

“About the project. We probably should discuss after class.” She continued. Wheein paid full attention to her, still with the stunned expression she always seemed to have whenever Byulyi talked.

 

“Do you have any class after this?”

 

Wheein nodded.

 

“My last class ends at 3.”

 

Byulyi let out a relieved sigh.

 

_So she was not mute afterall._

 

“Cool. We can go to a cafe or my place, or your place. Whichever suits your boat?”

 

Wheein nodded.

 

Byulyi was so close to facepalm at that.

 

_“_ Uh… So? The cafe? Your place? Mine?” Byulyi asked once again.

 

“My place. I haven’t fed my cat.”

 

* * *

 

The trip to Wheein's place was a lot less awkward than Byulyi thought. It was apparently Wheein’s first experience in riding a motorbike and she squealed when Byulyi went faster, fingers gripping tight at Byulyi’s leather jacket. Byulyi was about to slow down but Wheein let out a laughter and Byulyi sped up.

 

“Alright…” Byulyi started. They had just fed Wheein’s kitten soon after they arrived ㅡ in which Byulyi was head over heels the first time she saw his folded ears ㅡ and now she was staring at the blank template of the project report they were supposed to fill with the outline and description of their project. They had decided earlier on doing an experiment about acid and base.

 

Byulyi took out a pen from her backpack and started filling the paper with her and Wheein’s name.

 

“Moon Byulyi and Jung Wheein.

 

Acid and Base Experiment.

 

Day and date…. Uh, what day is it again?” Byulyi reached for her phone to look at her calendar.

 

“Turquoise.” Wheein blurted out.

 

Byulyi thought she heard it wrong, so she snapped her attention to the latter and blinked.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Today is turquoise.” Wheein smiled.

 

Since then, Byulyi had never thought about Thursday the same.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Byulyi woke up with a sharp pain throbbing against her skull.  _‘Shouldn’t have drunk that much,’_  she thought to herself. But like everything else in her life, she would still do the thing she knew she shouldn’t to regret it later.

 

Gingerly making her way toward her favorite coffee machine, Byulyi reached for her phone and slided through the screen to assure that she had nothing on her schedule that day.

 

Instead, her attention was nailed to the red note due to the next 4 days. It was a reminder that she would have a meeting with a producer on Thursday.

 

_Thursday is turquoise._

 

Byulyi let a chuckle slip out her mouth when the sudden thought popped in as she placed her phone down and poured water inside the coffee maker.

 

Years ago, when she was still in high school, she knew a girl who would mark the days with colors.

 

Thursday was turquoise and Monday was magenta. She would say her favorite day was turquoise and when Byulyi asked why, she said because Byulyi, herself, was turquoise.

 

“ _On some days you are cyan. Days when you scored perfect on Math or you leveled up a game,” Wheein explained before stuffing more chips to her mouth._

 

“ _There are days when you’re teal, too. But mostly you’re turquoise.”_

 

_Byulyi would ask what color was Hyejin, or their homeroom teacher, or the security guard of their school._

 

_There were orange, red, purple, and some more red._

 

_When Byulyi asked what color Wheein was, she laughed._

 

Byulyi stared blankly at the dark liquid that now filled her mug. That was 8 years ago, during her high school time, when she knew a girl who saw colors in days and in people. Hyejin said it was called synesthesia. Wheein preferred calling it magic. Byulyi agreed.

 

Her train of memories was cut off by the sudden ring of her phone. Byulyi glanced at the caller ID before eventually picking it up.

 

“What’s up?”

 

The caller was Yongsun, a singer-songwriter who happened to be a co-worker as well. A lot of times, Yongsun would work on the melody and Byulyi could always find the best lyrics and together, they produced a lot of hit songs.

 

“Byul! Are you busy today?”

 

Byulyi took a sip of her dark roast coffee, cringed at the bitterness before replying, “no, I’m free but the hangover is killing me so I prefer not to go anywhere in the moment.”

 

The caffeine helped soothing the throb in her head, but Byulyi would still prefer lazing around and being a potato couch for the day.

 

“Tsk, you shouldn’t drink that much last night.” Byulyi mumbled an ‘I know’ before Yongsun continued, “There’s this art gallery in town. My friends said I should visit. Can you come with me?”

 

Which part of “prefer not to go anywhere” that Yongsun didn’t get? Byulyi sighed in defeat. She didn’t feel like dealing with a series of Yongsun whining if she didn’t comply to her request.

 

“Alright, I’ll pick you up in 2 hours.”

 

* * *

 

Byulyi ended up picking Yongsun up in less than 2 hours because the latter kept spamming Byulyi’s phone with text messages only after an hour, complaining that she couldn’t wait that long.

 

The gallery turned out to be nearer than expected, only 15 minutes ride from Yongsun’s apartment. Byulyi noticed she had come to the place twice beforehand, both to accompany Yongsun and her fondness of art.

 

Yongsun once said to her that art and music were inseparable. “ _What’s good for the ears have to have what’s equally good for the eyes,_ ” she once said. She had always personally picked and consulted for her album cover and Byulyi had to admit that 5 albums of Yongsun which were neatly placed on her desk were aesthetically pleasing. Byulyi, on the other hand, had 0 idea about how to judge a painting good or bad. She was lucky enough to be able to draw a dechiperable stick figures.

 

“They said this exhibit is from an aspiring young artist from France.” Yongsun said excitedly, while pulling Byulyi by her wrist the moment she took off her helmet.

 

“But when I checked her name earlier, it’s 100% Korean. A Korean-born who has a promising career in Europe, Byul! How admirable!”

 

Byulyi only nodded. With all the adoration and knowledge Yongsun had about art, she would easily pass as an artist. That, if it was completed with the same grandious amount of talent in creating art instead of only talking about it.

 

Despite not knowing anything about art, Byulyi loved going to the exhibition. Surrounding herself with millions of colors. It was as if she could see what Wheein saw, the world in colors.

 

Byulyi sighed and followed Yongsun a step behind. Eight years and there were moments like this that would just hit her out of nowhere and reminded her of Wheein. And then she would miss her.

 

It was as if the universe conspired. As if not enough things had reminded her of her first love in high school, she now was facing the person who was the closest to Wheein.

 

“Hyejin! It’s been a long time!”

 

Byulyi thought the short-haired girl looked familiar and when she recognized Byulyi as well, they practically ran to each other and hugged.

 

Hyejin had moved to America after college, saying that she wanted to travel around. ‘ _To see a bigger world_ ’ and Byulyi understood why Wheein and her were best of friends. Wheein too, had dreamt of a bigger world, meeting more people and seeing more colors. Her dream was much earlier than Hyejin. Right after she graduated from high school, Wheein one day appeared in front of Byulyi’s home with a popsicle in hand, saying that she would go far away.

 

“ _Where?” Byulyi asked, trying her best to hide her disappointment._

 

“ _Somewhere far.”_

 

“ _Any specific city? Country?”_

 

_Wheein shook her head._

 

_Byulyi was silent for a good few minutes, weighed by the fact that Wheein would be far away from her. She wondered if she would survive._

 

_She did, of course._

 

“ _Will you come back?”_

 

_And Wheein smiled._

 

Byulyi and Hyejin did a little catch-up, about their current jobs and their current lives, followed by Byulyi introducing Yongsun to Hyejin.

 

“Didn’t know you’re interested in painting as well,” Byulyi said after she laughed when Hyejin’s first comment when she saw Yongsun was that the latter looked like Squirtle ㅡ in which Byulyi agreed.

 

Hyejin raised her eyebrows at the remark.

 

“Of course I’m not. This is not my thing,”

 

Byulyi wondered if she was dragged by someone else to accompany them as well.

 

“But I can’t miss my best friend’s exhibition, can I? Especially not in our own homeland.”

 

“Oh?” Byulyi was now the one to raise her eyebrows. So the Korean-born French artist was Hyejin’s best friend? She found it weird to picture anyone than Wheein to be compatible to Hyejin’s traits. “The artist is your best friend? That’s cool! Yongsun just said something about the artiㅡ”

 

“Byul…” Hyejin stared at Byulyi, cutting her words.

 

“Do you not read the pamphlet?”

 

The pamphlet? Oh, Byulyi must’ve skipped it when she saw Hyejin in the crowds.

 

“Nope. Why?”

 

Hyejin sighed and took out a creased paper from her handbag. It was a simple folded pamphlet that had a matching design with the interior of the gallery.

 

Byulyi’s heartbeat stopped for a second when she saw the name of the artist.

 

Jung Wheein.

 

* * *

 

It was silver when Wheein met Byulyi again. Her art exhibition opened for 2 days on the weekend and the first thing she did when her exhibition in Seoul was approved was to invite Hyejin. Wheein had very little friends when she was in high school, before she flew to Europe. And by little, it was two. Ahn Hyejin was the living human after her family to know her the longest and despite the million miles that separated them ㅡ also with not-so-constant communication through mobile network ㅡ the moment they saw each other, they hugged for 15 minutes and cried their eyes out.

 

Another friend she knew was Byulyi but she was a different case. Around 2 years after she moved from Korea, her communication with Byulyi gradually lessened and lessened. And then, there was none.

 

Wheein had thought to inform her that she was in the city but she figured out Byulyi changed her number ㅡ she did, too ㅡ and after so many years of not talking with each other, Wheein just didn’t know how to talk to her again. She didn’t even know if Byulyi still looked the same.

 

If she was still turquoise.

 

So, when Wheein saw Byulyi and Hyejin with each other, and with another woman who seemed to be Byulyi’s friend, Wheein wasn’t sure if she should walk to them or pretended not to see.

 

“Hey,”

 

The greeting was timid. Hesitating. Probably because Wheein’s legs worked without her brain’s approval and she found herself now standing in front of Byulyi. Or probably because Byulyi, at this close proximity, smelled so good and reminded Wheein of every beautiful thing in her life and that she had missed Moon Byulyi with every of her might.

 

Byulyi looked surprised. Unprepared. Apparently, seeing an old friend after 8 years was not in her to-do-list for the day.

 

“Omo! You’re the artist right? I haven’t strolled around but I’ve seen a few of your paintings. You’re really talented!! And you’re still very young!” Yongsun broke the ice, taking Wheein’s hand in an eager shake. Wheein smiled widely and thanked her. Byulyi coughed, feeling the need to introduce the both of them.

 

“This is my friend and co-worker, Yongsun. Yong, this is Wheein, my…” Cleared throat. “high school friend.”

 

They shook hands again, a bit more moderately this time.

 

“You didn’t tell me the artist is your friend!” Yongsun whispered ㅡ very audibly ㅡ to Byulyi and she only shrugged. ‘ _As if I knew_ ,’ Byulyi thought to herself, shoving her palms into her pocket jeans because it was sort of awkward and she did it when she felt awkward.

 

“Okay then, I’ll leave you to catch up and go down the memory lane, I’ll be seeing around,” Yongsun grinned, patting Byulyi in the shoulder and bowed to Wheein and Hyejin.

 

“I’ll do the exact same thing. Wanna see how of a great artist my friend is,” Hyejin blurted out, a bit urgently. A bit too obviously to let Wheein and Byulyi had the time of their own. And soon, she was away.

 

“So…” Byulyi started but she couldn’t seem to materialize her thoughts into a decent question. There were too many questions.

 

_How have you been?_

 

_Where did you go?_

 

_Why did you become an artist?_

 

_What color is Yongsun?_

 

_Have you ever missed me?_

 

“You’re still turquoise,” Wheein said, smiling so wide that deep dimples were showed and her eyes formed crescent moons.

 

Byulyi smiled, too. It felt right. Just the exact words she wanted to hear.

 

* * *

 

So, Wheein had been good. Her career as an artist reached its peak after she met a famous art dealer who took interest in her surrealistic paintings.

 

She had gone to France after graduating, learned its language and gained its citizenship, moved to Netherlands after 3 years and stayed there for a year, traveled to Germany, Italy, and Brazil, then spent 2 years in Greece before moving back to France.

 

Byulyi was sure she would probably forget the list by tomorrow.

 

It was when she first moved to France and found a street artist across her favorite café. He would draw whatever people requested and Wheein fell in love with art ever since. She visited every museum in Paris and went back home with her determination swelling each time.

 

Yongsun was pink.

 

“Like, a very soft pastel baby pink,” Wheein specified.

 

“Like her hair but softer?” Byulyi asked and Wheein nodded.

 

Byulyi didn’t ask the last question though. Wheein did.

 

“Did you miss me?” Wheein’s question was innocent, but it pulled Byulyi to the first weeks when she left. Sometimes Byulyi would cry, calling Wheein to tell how much she had missed her. But as time went by, she didn’t cry anymore. She just felt empty. Then Byulyi remembered the time when she passed by their favorite ice cream parlor, or when she saw a cat that looked like Wheein’s kitten, or when the radio played their favorite song. She felt empty because she was there to experience things she knew because of Wheein, alone.

 

“A lot of times.” Byulyi answered carefully before continuing, “not constantly. There are times when I don’t think about you, but then certain songs would play or I see certain colors and they remind me of you.”

 

Wheein nodded. Her eyes were glued at Byulyi and it took Byulyi one hell of a courage to eventually look at them.

 

“I’ve missed you too.”

 

* * *

 

The gallery closed at 6 and because it was the last day, Hyejin had suggested the four ㅡ Yongsun had somehow joined the group, mingling very easily already ㅡ should have dinner together.

 

“So many things to catch up,” she said. Yongsun suggested a small Korean restaurant not far from the gallery. “You both need to localize your palate once again,” she concluded while happily handing Wheein and Hyejin the menu book.

 

“Are you going to come back to France?” Yongsun had asked Wheein. Byulyi tried to not stare but she couldn’t help herself. She wanted to know which color Wheein seeked to see this time.

 

“Perhaps…” Wheein started. “I’ll stay in Seoul for a week, go to Jeonju with Hyejin for another week. Then I’ll decide where to go next.”

 

Yongsun said something about Wheein being so lucky. Or awesome. Byulyi didn’t quite catch that. Her mind was busy comprehending a fact.

 

She got one week to fall in love all over again.

 


	2. Chapter 2

So you identify days with colors?” Byulyi sat legs-crossed, staring at Wheein with a pair of curious eyes. Their chemistry project had long been forgotten.

 

Wheein shook her head.

 

“I  _see_  the colors. Like, literally seeing them with my eyes. I see it in days, in months, in people, in voices. In almost everything.”

 

Byulyi was stunned.

 

“How?”

 

Wheein shrugged her shoulders, “I’ve seen the colors since I was born, I guess?”

 

“No, I mean… How does it feel? To literally see colors in everything?”

 

Byulyi looked genuinely stupefied and excited, like when a kid saw a cotton candy for the first time. Something about it reminded Wheein of how she first saw her kitten in the shelter and it made her giggle.

 

“At first it felt weird when other people can’t see what I see.”

 

Byulyi nodded at this.

 

“I would say someone’s voice is rose gold and they told me I was very poetic.”

 

Another nod.

 

“But now it feels just ordinary. I’ve seen a lot of similar colors. It doesn’t seem to be as colorful anymore.”

 

Byulyi understood why her schoolmates had been saying that Wheein was weird. She probably was, but it’s just because Wheein was different. Very very different that not everyone could come to understand her.

 

Byulyi spent the rest of her high school trying to understand Wheein.

 

“What color am I?” Byulyi blurted out the question, half-playful and half-expectant.

 

Instead of answering, Wheein pulled her kitten to her lap, before the little feline could scratch its paw against their chemistry paper.

 

“I like Thursday. It’s my favorite day.”

 

Byulyi furrowed her eyebrows. She spent the rest of high school trying to figure out Wheein’s color.

 

* * *

 

A lot of times when Byulyi missed Wheein, her mind would venture back to one exact day. It was a cold winter on December, when Byulyi had her 18th birthday.

 

“You come here often?” Byulyi asked, Wheein had her arm linked around hers while her another hand was stuffed with cotton candy and balloon.

 

Wheein shook her head.

 

“My first time.”

 

Byulyi raised an eyebrow, “you said quote I know the perfect place to celebrate your birthday end quote.”

 

Wheein giggled at Byulyi’s bad impersonation of her voice and looked at the latter, eyes forming crescent moons from the smile.

 

“Is this not a perfect place?”

 

Byulyi ruffled the latter’s hair. Of course it was. Anywhere with Wheein would be perfect, anyway.

 

“You can’t give any testimony for places you haven’t gone to and things you haven’t tried.”

 

But Wheein didn’t catch that because she had already run toward a ferris wheel, pointing delightfully at the ride. Byulyi let out a sigh and smiled. Whose birthday was it again?

 

* * *

 

“What?”

 

Byulyi shifted her gaze somewhere else. The ferris wheel was moving awfully slow and when Byulyi thought Wheein would be too absorbed to stare at the view outside, she was wrong. Wheein had her gaze glued on Byulyi all the time.

 

“You’re turquoise.”

 

Byulyi’s gaze was quick to divert back to Wheein.

 

It was December when she first knew her color.

 

“Like Thursday?” She asked because she didn’t know what to react. She might want to google what the color turquoise meant after they went home.

 

“Like Thursday.” Wheein nodded.

 

“Your favorite day?” Byulyi asked again.

 

“My favorite day.”

 

And then there was silence, just the creaking sound of their cart slowly rising up. Because Byulyi didn’t know what else to say and Wheein was still staring at her.

 

“Is turquoise a good color?” Byulyi asked again, after a few minutes of their silence. The question was hesitant and she didn’t know what to expect. She guessed she just wanted to be everything good for Wheein.

 

Wheein giggled and instead of answering, she leaned closer and kissed Byulyi on the cheek.

 

“Happy birthday.”

 

* * *

 

Later that night, when they went home, Wheein said something about Byulyi being the only person with such color. And greeted her an early Christmas. And that she wished to go to the amusement park again. Maybe on April, when it was her birthday.

 

Byulyi still didn’t know if turquoise was a good color but Wheein said it was her favorite, and she thought it was enough.

 

“Can I get my birthday present?” Byulyi mumbled.

 

Wheein frowned. She didn’t prepare any.

 

“Can I give it tomorrow? Iㅡ”

 

But Byulyi had pulled her close and pressed her lips against Wheein’s. It was soft. Gentle. Careful. Like the fall of the first snowflake, or the winter breeze that caused Wheein’s hair to brush against Byulyi’s cheek.

 

They both went home, blushing, and hearts beating to the rhythm of Christmas jingles.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Byulyi had her morning coffee ready and took a sip only to grimace at the scalding hot liquid. She barely slept the night before, thinking about Wheein.

 

It was not new for her to think about the petite girl with dimples that she was dying to poke. But she had gotten used to thinking about her only occasionally, unknown of her whereabouts and could only be reminisced through old photographs.

 

But that day, Wheein was only a few minutes away, at a hotel room in Seoul with Hyejin, and in a couple of hours, Byulyi would see her. She was no longer only in her memories.

 

Byulyi took another sip of her coffee, this time blowing it gently to make sure it wouldn’t scald her tongue again. Then, she reached for her phone to text Wheein. It was 7:25. She wondered if Wheein had woken up.

 

_Are you up?_

 

The reply was almost immediate.

 

_Yes! :D What time will you pick me up?_

 

Byulyi had promised Wheein to tour her around the city. It had been 8 years since she last saw Seoul. She wanted to see if the city had changed so much that she didn’t recognize some corners.

 

“I don’t think that much has changed,” Byulyi had said. She wondered if Wheein would find new colors in the city she used to spend her adolescence at. Or if she remembered the blend of colors of the city she had left.

 

_What about at 11? We can have lunch together._

 

After receiving an approval from the latter, Byulyi finished her coffee in one big gulp and went to take a shower. She had a big day ahead.

 

* * *

 

Jung Wheein had never thought her little dream would come true.

 

During her journey in Europe, there were particular days when she would doze off and thought of Byulyi. That someday, she might be able to sit at the back of her motorbike once again, hugging her tight from behind as they sliced through the road fearlessly.

 

So when Byulyi waved from the pavement in front of her hotel, leather jacket and helmet in hand, Wheein felt like her heart could burst in happiness any moment.

 

Wheein walked out in jeans and loose t-shirt tucked in, hair gathered in a high pony tail. She noticed upgrades in Byulyi and her motorbike. First, instead of a white scooter she used to ride during high school, it was now a black Ducati. Second, Wheein had always thought that Byulyi in black was fine, but Byulyi in silver blonde… That was lethal.

 

“That’s a nice bike,” Wheein hummed in admiration. Byulyi replied with a grin as she handed Wheein her helmet.

 

“Worked day and night for this baby.”

 

“So… Where are we going first?” Byulyi asked when they were all set on her bike and all there’s left to do was to shoot through the street.

 

Wheein circled her arms around Byulyi’s waist, slightly leaning her cheek against Byulyi’s back. It was warm. As always.

 

“Take me somewhere I don’t know.”

 

And with that, the Ducati’s engine roared, searing through Seoul’s busy road.

 

* * *

 

Byulyi  _did_  bring Wheein to a place she didn’t know.

 

It was a vintage, small dining place specialized in Korean BBQ. Yongsun had taken Byulyi to the place one day after they finished working. Byulyi had been a regular ever since.

 

“I expect something more… surprising,” Wheein said as they climbed off the motorbike. But Byulyi had always been like that. So ordinary. Down to earth. Never to stand out. It was always Wheein who was peculiar, with crazy ideas and crazier traits that never failed to amuse Byulyi. Wheein found comfort though, in every of Byulyi’s simplicity.

 

“You’ll be surprised when you take your first bite,” Byulyi said with a proud grin.

 

At the end, what surprised Wheein wasn’t the taste of the perfectly-grilled meat ㅡ although it was admittedly the best BBQ Wheein had ever had. Rather, it was in a form of a little human, probably 3 years old who took hasty little steps to Byulyi the moment she came in sight.

 

“Noona!!!” The little kid cheered in delight and Byulyi welcomed him by kneeling down, engulfing him in a hug.

 

“Yijun! You’ve grown so fast. Have you been good?” Byulyi ruffled the boy’s hair, lips grinning so widely that her nose was scrunched.

 

Then came an elderly couple who greeted Byulyi. Byulyi replied with a bow before carrying Yijun in her arms and introduced Wheein.

 

“This is my friend, Wheein. She came from France.”

 

Wheein bowed and the couple ㅡ who turned out to be the owner ㅡ said something about her looking so pretty before the lady suddenly cupped Byulyi’s cheeks, practically squishing them, telling her how much they had missed her. Especially Yijun and the kid nodded firmly.

 

Byulyi laughed. Wheein smiled.

 

She remembered a French movie that claimed the color blue to be the warmest color.

 

They were wrong.

 

It was turquoise.

 

* * *

 

“I come there so often that I get close to the entire family. They’re kind people. Always so helpful to everyone.” Byulyi had explained when they finished their lunch and on their way to their next tour spot. They spent almost 3 hours there, with barely an hour of eating and the rest talking with the owners and Wheein successfully stealing Yijun’s heart.

 

“ _Yijun, do you prefer Byulyi noona or Wheein noona?”_

 

_The kid hugged Wheein possessively with no doubt and Byulyi pouted, feeling betrayed._

 

“They feel like a family.” Byulyi said very softly but enough for Wheein to catch.

 

Family.

 

That was one among other things that made the two of them grew closer.

 

Byulyi’s parents divorced when she was a kid. Pretending she was fine and chill with that but sometimes, Wheein would notice the hint of sadness when they were at public places and happy little families crowded the place.

 

On the other side, Wheein had lost her parents when she was in middle school, and she had lived with her grandmother since. That was one of many things that made them stick together all those times. One of many things that caused them to be a little bit too dependent with each other.

 

“Where are we going?” Wheein asked, fingers gripping tight on Byulyi’s jacket.

 

They took a sharp turn to the left and Byulyi’s answer was muffled by the gushing of the wind.

 

“Back to the start.”

 

* * *

 

_"What are you listening to?"_

 

_Byulyi took a seat at the very back corner of the class. It had been her permanent seat. Because Wheein always sat there. And she always sat beside Wheein._

 

_Instead of answering, Wheein offered the right side of her ear buds and Byulyi eagerly accepted it. The first thing Byulyi noticed was that it was not a Korean song. And definitely not English either. She might not ace the language but she was sure she could not decipher any of the words from the song. Nevertheless, it had a soothing acoustic tune. Something summer-y._

 

_Byulyi was about to ask from which country the song was when Wheein blurted out_

 

_"It's yellow."_

 

_Byulyi didn't need to ask to know she referred to the music. It never failed to amuse her how Wheein saw what other people heard._

 

_"Like, lemon's yellow? Sun's yellow? Pikachu's yellow?"_

 

_Wheein giggled. "The sun is not even yellow, Byul."_

 

_"I always color it yellow." Byulyi shrugged._

 

Something about the scorching hot sun above their head must've reminded Byulyi of that day. The day when they argued about the color of the sun. Of course Byulyi knew the sun was not actually yellow. It was just simply there lighting the world that Byulyi doubted it even had any color at all. But she would color suns in all of her drawings yellow. Like any other shining things. Because people would color lights yellow. Like the sun, and the moon, and the stars.

 

Byulyi thought Wheein's color could have been yellow. It suited her in away Byulyi couldn't explain in words. Perhaps it was because Wheein reminded her of something that shone so bright.

 

But somewhere along the way, Byulyi found out that the sun was kind of all colors blended in together that it appeared white. Perhaps Wheein was all colors in the world, named and unnamed, mixed in altogether. Perhaps Wheein was white. Or she was yellow. Byulyi still couldn't decide.

 

"The color changed," Wheein said, snapping Byulyi out of her thoughts. Byulyi had thought Wheein talked in metaphors again -- and Byulyi had to remind herself that it was _not_ a metaphor. It was real for Wheein and Byulyi, like many other things, just couldn't see things Wheein could -- but then Byulyi looked at the direction Wheein pointed at and knew she was talking about literal things.

 

The wall was dirty white. Eight years ago, it was sky blue. Or just blue. Byulyi didn't quite remember.

 

"A lot of upgrades and renovations have been done," Byulyi explained. Even the big oak tree that was right outside the fence, beneficial for students who were willing to take risk to skip classes, was no longer there. It felt familiar and strange at the same time.

 

Like Wheein, Byulyi had thought.

 

Or like herself. She didn't know.

 

"Yours doesn't."

 

Byulyi stared at Wheein after hearing what she said. Their gaze was locked for a moment and Byulyi had to fight hard the urge to take Wheein in her arms, sweep her off her feet, and just kiss her right there right then.

 

But she didn't.

 

Because she didn't know if her color really remained the same, but she was sure her love for Jung Wheein did.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

“Are you sure we’re doing this right?” Byulyi glanced at a cylindrical glass tube that Wheein was holding. A bright green liquid was filling half of the tube after Wheein dropped an unknown chemical substance inside. That day, they were having a project together in the lab. Something about chemical reaction. Byulyi was sure their current tube was showing a chemical reaction indeed. But she had looked around the lab and every other student had their tube filled with blood red liquid. Definitely not green.

 

“Is the result supposed to be green?” Byulyi asked again, now checking her textbook that was previously neglected on the table.

 

Wheein let out a satisfied hum, carefully examining whatever chemical substance she had produced.

 

“Maybe not.” She replied. “What is it supposed to be?”

 

Byulyi took a look at the green substance. She decided the color was actually nice to look at, especially under the light.

 

“I don’t know… But everyone else has theirs in red.”

 

Wheein walked toward the corner of the lab and came back with a little round sponge and then placed it at the top of the tube, just enough to fit as a lid.

 

“What do you think the color red means?” Wheein had asked Byulyi.

 

She didn’t know.

 

“Err… Love? People color hearts in red.”

 

“It also could be violence… Something creepy. Like the blood?”

 

Byulyi had never known any actual meaning of colors. She could only associate things and the colors they had and she wondered if Wheein, whose world was defined by colors, actually knew what they meant. Maybe Byulyi could ask her about it later.

 

“Love is not red, Byul.” Wheein said, voice softer than she expected it to be.

 

“Heat is red. Passion is red. But love, is not red.”

 

Wheein handed the glass tube, filled with bright green liquid, to Byulyi.

 

“Love is green.”

 

 

Byulyi had taken Wheein to their old high school, where everything had begun for the both of them. It was summer holiday and the school was not supposed to be opened, but Byulyi’s years of maintaining good acquaintanceship with the school’s guard — and also the principal, some old teachers, canteen’s owner, and almost everyone who worked there — paid off. He was more than glad to let the two alumni in and even handed the keys to Byulyi.

 

That was one thing Wheein had always envied — or likely, adored — from Byulyi. Not how she could easily gain access to the school she didn’t even attend anymore, but how she was always genuine to people around her. People who might seem trivial, but that was just Byulyi. That was just how she was so easily loved.

 

And that was probably why Wheein adored the blonde-haired girl who was sitting down on the chemistry lab’s table, eyes scanning the room and legs crossed. Byulyi was so easily loved and Wheein was exactly the opposite. She tended to seclude herself in her personal bubble, only allowing very few people in. She had gotten used to the cold that sometimes, Byulyi’s warmth made her shiver.

 

“Do you remember that time when we failed the lab project?” Byulyi asked, eyes slowly moving from the shelves of tubes and cups to find Wheein’s.

 

Wheein nodded.

 

“Whatever substance you made that day, it lasted longer than I expected.”

 

Wheein only stared at Byulyi, not replying anything. Without Byulyi telling her, she knew she would have still kept the green liquid Wheein had given her that day. And she knew that Byulyi would always keep her love. On the top of her bookshelf. In her life.

 

Wheein wondered if she had ever left at all.

 

 

They then headed toward their class. The second class from the most corner at the 2nd floor. The classroom where they had chemistry together during their freshman year, history together when they were a junior, and Chinese during their senior year. The very back seat at the left corner was their throne. And when Byulyi looked at it when they entered, her breath hitched. It was as if she was dragged back in time. When her teenage-self, backpack on one shoulder, pulling the seat next to Wheein, who had waited for her with eyes crescent moon shaped and cheeks adorned with dimples.

 

During the years, they had been inseparable. Especially in classes where Wheein didn’t take with Hyejin. Before they happened, Wheein would always sit alone at the very back, excluding herself and became the audience of the still-life around her. And Byulyi, she was always there in the middle. Not always the center, but she always fit in so easily. Gathering friends around her. Sometimes Wheein wondered if she had been selfish by pulling Byulyi back from the spotlight to join her little fort at the corner.

 

_“I like it better there,” Wheein had heard Byulyi answered to one of her male friends when he asked why Byulyi had been so persistent in taking the back seat with Wheein lately._

 

_Wheein thought that Byulyi could’ve liked it better because it was at the very back and she could probably sleep with lesser chance of getting caught. She could’ve liked it better because it was near the window and she could sight-see if she was bored. But the possibility that she liked it better because of Wheein made her cheeks flushed in different shades of pink._

 

“We always sit here,” Wheein said, making her way toward the back and sat down. She stared blankly at the whiteboard, memories of high school came rushing down like tidal wave. It took a moment before Byulyi joined in, taking a seat beside her – like she used to – and there they were, eighteen years old, in uniforms, pens scratching against paper. Byulyi took notes. Wheein drew sketches.

 

Byulyi carefully traced her finger against the wooden surface of the table, letting her mind trail back to everything they went through together. There was only one time when they didn't sit together. When some childish mean adolescents wrote down “A freak sits here” on Wheein’s sat. When Byulyi, boiling in anger, stood up for her and confronted the kids. When Byulyi ended up in a fist fight and a bruised cheek. When Wheein, had told Byulyi to mind her own business and never to hurt herself on her behalf. When they fought because one didn’t want someone to get hurt because of her, and the other just wanted to protect someone she loved with her life.

 

“Remember that time when we sat apart for 4 days?”

 

Byulyi had asked. Her gaze was still locked at the table, finger absent-mindedly drawing random patterns. “You sat here alone and it killed me so bad not to turn around to steal glances at you.”

 

Wheein chuckled. “The longest 4 days in my life, really.”

 

Hearing that, Byulyi’s gaze slowly made its way to Wheein.

 

“You left for 8 years.”

 

And Byulyi wondered if it felt like eternity for Wheein, the way it was for her.

 

 

 

 

It was 5 PM when they left the school. They visited almost every room, even the famous haunted toilet at the 3rd floor. They had to stop a couple times, spending some times longer than they had expected because certain spots would remind them of a certain string of memory. And it was hard, really, because almost every corner of the place hid something they once shared together.

 

“This still feels bizarre.” Byulyi said. They were strolling around the Han River. The sunlight was golden ray, nearing orange, and Wheein adored how it looked beautiful illuminating Byulyi’s face.

 

“Mm?”

 

“You. Being here with me right now.”

 

Byulyi halted her step and Wheein followed suit.

 

“I spent years without you in my life. Keeping you safe and neat at the back of my mind. As a part of a good memory of my earlier days.” Byulyi continued. She wasn’t even sure if she made any sense. She wasn’t sure if any of this made sense.

 

“And then you’re here now. Not just as a story or a picture in a graduation book. You’re real, standing right in front of me, and it feels like those 8 years without you has never existed.”

 

Byulyi turned to face Wheein, hands reaching for her fingers.

 

“But after this week ends, you’ll go again and the days when you’re gone will return.”

 

The look in Byulyi’s eyes was sad. Almost like begging.

 

“And I’m afraid of the fact that I’ll go back to those devastating days. I’m afraid you’ll leave me twice.”

 

Byulyi squeezed Wheein’s hands in hers.

 

“I don’t want to get hurt twice.”

 

Wheein didn’t know what to reply. She didn’t expect it at all. All she knew was how happy she was to see Byulyi again. To see her doing well. She hadn’t thought about the fact that her time with Byulyi was very limited. She hadn’t thought how much it would hurt her, and hurt Byulyi even more.

 

It might be easier if she hadn’t returned at all.

 

Wheein was about to open her mouth to reply something. Anything. But that was when she heard what Byulyi said. The words she secretly wished to hear 8 years ago, but she didn’t.

 

“Don’t go.”

 

 

 

 

_“Don’t go.”_

 

_“Please don’t go.”_

 

_“Don’t leave me.”_

 

_Byulyi had rehearsed those words over and over inside her head as she was sprawled on her bed. Heaving a sigh, she glanced at the chemical tube Wheein had given her two years ago, when they had chemistry class together during their freshman year._

 

_Earlier in the evening, Wheein had told her that she would leave after their graduation. And not just leaving to her hometown or for a two-months vacation. She would leave somewhere far. Maybe for good._

 

_Byulyi’s head was throbbing in pain. She hadn’t cried, but she felt a certain void in her, expanding as the time went by. She knew she wanted to beg for Wheein to stay. Perhaps kneeling down in front of her and hugging her leg. Wheein would probably pity her and decided not to leave._

 

_But of course, even until the day Hyejin took Wheein to the airport, the words Byulyi had practiced ended up being stored in the depth of her mind. She didn’t even show up to the airport. It was a cowardice act, she admitted. But she just wanted to leave things at that. No closure, no goodbye, because maybe, just maybe, their story hadn’t ended and one day they would meet again._

 

What Byulyi didn’t know was, the day came eight years later, and only then she got to tell Wheein the words she had been dying to say.

 

_“Don’t go.”_

 

Wheein didn’t respond to that. She looked genuinely surprised and only stared at Byulyi for full 5 seconds before breaking into a smile. Byulyi didn’t know the meaning of her smile and she didn’t want to guess.

 

Byulyi heaved a sigh as she gazed at the ceiling, mind tangled with thoughts and possibilities. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that. After so many years not being a part of Wheein’s life, she might have no right to ask Wheein to stay. But on the other hand, she didn’t want to regret twice. She didn’t want to lose Wheein with no fight.

 

Not again.

 

_“Don’t cry…”_

 

_Wheein’s voice was soft, laced with obvious concerns. Byulyi’s muffled sob could be heard before it gradually faded._

 

_“I’m sorry, I had a rough day,” Byulyi reasoned. The crack in her voice broke Wheein’s heart._

 

_Byulyi had lied, of course. The day had been rough, yes. But it had been especially rougher because she had missed Wheein so badly. It had only been a month, but Byulyi had gotten so used to having Wheein within an arm reach. Even during summer vacation when Byulyi went overseas, she would miss Wheein, but her heart wouldn’t break because she knew, at the end of the day, she would always return to her._

 

_“It sucks without you,” Byulyi mumbled but making sure Wheein caught that. “If I had told you not to go, would you have stayed?”_

 

_The question was careless, but still hesitating._

 

_Byulyi could almost hear the smile in Wheein’s voice._

 

_“I miss you too.”_

 

And Byulyi wished she had called Wheein every day, or had flown to Europe for her, or had run to the airport and pulled her back home. Pulled her back to where Byulyi was.

 

But she hadn’t and just like that, they were torn apart.

 

By the distance? Or by doubts?

 

Byulyi was never sure.

 

 

 

 

There were so many things that Wheein had missed out about Byulyi in the span of 8 years. For instance, the fact that Byulyi wrote songs and she had grown an uncontrollable fondness for coffee.

 

Wheein was at Byulyi’s apartment, a cup of freshly brewed coffee in her hand as Byulyi played Yongsun’s album on shuffle, half of the songs in the album was written by Byulyi and she had challenged Wheein to guess which ones.

 

Wheein let out a giggle when the second song played. It was a ballad song and Byulyi wondered which part Wheein had found funny.

 

“Are the lyrics too cheesy?” Byulyi asked. The song was fully composed by her, both melody and lyrics. She was usually content being just a lyricist, but some nights, she would suddenly get hit by a thunderstorm of inspiration and she had to stay up with her piano and computer, pouring the sudden wave idea to real good music.

 

“It looks exactly like you.” Wheein answered, both palms were pressed against the mug. It was warm.

 

“Huh?”  
  


“The song. It’s mostly blue.”

 

Oh, right. Wheein didn’t only listen to the song. She also saw the colors in it.

 

“With some hints of turquoise.”

 

Byulyi didn’t expect that. She must’ve been too immersed in writing the song that she poured some of herself in her piece. It was a song based on personal experience though.

 

Not until the bridge that Wheein recognized the lyrics Yongsun sang very softly, like singing to a little bird with broken wings in hope the melody would make it fly again. Not until a low alto voice replaced Yongsun’s velvety one, too familiar not to recognize, rapping to some verses like reciting a poetry. Not until then that Wheein’s surprised face softened, her previously playful smile turned into a gentle one.

 

Byulyi gazed down at a cup of coffee she held on her own, ears flushed red hearing herself rapping to the lyrics she had written herself.

 

Lyrics about someone, who saw the world in colors.

 

 

 

 

Hyejin had arrived in Byulyi’s place later, complaining about the heat despite it had only been 11 AM. “ _It hasn’t even reached its peak!_ ” She had complained as she plopped down, sprawling on Byulyi’s couch, trying to absorb whatever coolness that was left on the surface.

 

The trio easily found their way down the memory lane, reminiscing the good old days of high school and laughed at their antics. _“Remember when we all skipped to go to the amusement park?” “Yeah, that was when you pissed yourself in the haunted house!” “Shut up! You screamed like a girl back then,” “Byul… I_ am _a girl!”_

 

It was 1 PM when Yongsun finally arrived with her BMW, apologizing a thousand times for being late and asked them to blame it on the sudden call from the agency. They had planned to hang out that day, all four of them. It was originally three but Hyejin had asked Byulyi to invite Yongsun in, saying something about not wanting being a third wheel.

 

“So, where are we going?” Yongsun asked, eyes fixed on the road.

 

_They had previously failed in deciding the destination when they first planned the hang-out. Yongsun was suggesting the historical Joseon palace, in which Hyejin rolled her eyes almost immediately._

 

_“I might have lived in U.S for the past years, but I’m a goddamn native, not a foreign tourist!”_

 

_“Uh… Namsan Tower?”_

 

_Everyone was so close to do a unanimous face palm._

 

“Let’s just go get some shaved ice.” Byulyi suggested. In which the three cheered in unison as the response. What could be better than a cool and refreshing shaved ice to fight the murderous summer heat?

 

Turned out, there was something better than a cool and refreshing shaved ice in summer heat.

 

It was Byulyi in sleeveless top and denim shorts.

 

Byulyi had always been the conservative one, always against the idea of revealing skin to public. But seemed like she gave up to the summer in Seoul.

 

And Wheein had been staring at Byulyi a bit too much than she intended to. She planned to be discreet, probably just stealing glances. But something about Byulyi that day just seemed to draw her in more than usual. She wasn’t sure if it was because of her clothes, or because of Byulyi’s request the previous day.

 

Byulyi noticed Wheein’s stare but she tried to pretend not to care. At this rate, Wheein didn’t even try to be discreet anymore. All the time, she had been noticing Byulyi’s color. The most beautiful hue of turquoise she had ever seen. Even from the very first day of high school, when they were gathered in the sport field, stranger bodies pressed against each other, it was very easy for Wheein to notice Byulyi. She just stood up like that, with a color a bit too vibrant. A color Wheein grew too fond of.

 

And not until they were seated in a bingsu shop, Wheein across Byulyi, that she noticed just how beautiful Byulyi was, beyond her color. Just how her eyebrows, her dark brown eyes, her perfectly sculpted nose – which scrunched up whenever she smiled too wide, her lips, her cheeks. Wheein wondered why she hadn’t noticed it earlier. She had always known Byulyi was pretty, sure. But it was easier for her to notice colors than faces.

 

But even if she lost her synesthesia skill, she was sure she would have noticed Byulyi everywhere. No matter how many people were in the crowd.

 

She stood up, just like that.

 

“You’ve been staring at me too much. I would be flattered but now I’m starting to get creeped up,” Byulyi joked.

 

Wheein smiled.

 

“You’re beautiful.”

 

Byulyi almost choked on her shaved ice as she stared at Wheein, eyes wide. Yongsun let out a weird “ _awww_ ” noise and Hyejin pretended to puke.

 

Byulyi got told that her color was Wheein’s favorite and she thought it was the highest compliment someone could ever give her.

 

It was her first time hearing Wheein giving her a very… mundane compliment. Telling her that _she_ looked beautiful, and not anything to do with her color.

 

“Uh… Thanks? I… guess?”

 

Wheein smiled wider before scooping a spoonful amount of ice to her mouth, letting it melt slowly.

 

Byulyi stood up, just like that.

 

Not only because Wheein realized even after she had traveled around to the other side of the world, she had never once found a color similar to Byulyi’s hue. But also because, after she had traveled to the other side of the world, she had never once found someone she could love, as much as she did to Byulyi.

 

And she wondered if it was enough for her to stay


	4. Chapter 4

On Thursday, the turquoise day, Wheein and Byulyi didn’t meet. Byulyi had spent the entire day at the recording studio, having an intense meeting with some music composers and producers for a certain girlgroup’s album production. Meanwhile, Wheein had gone shopping with Hyejin. Accompanying Hyejin to go shopping might be a better description.

 

Thursday had always been a special day for Byulyi, with or without her noticing. Ever since Wheein happened, Thursday had somehow become a sacred day. A day that, even during the eight years of Wheein’s absence, always succeeded in making her spend some good moments thinking about a certain girl. A certain girl who belonged to her past. A certain girl who had become her first love, her first kiss, her first heartbreak, her first in almost everything.

 

That Thursday, when Byulyi spun her pen around her fingers, the heated debate between the company’s producer and a famous music composer like indecipherable noises for her, she again, thought about a certain girl. A certain girl she wanted to be her last.

 

_Can we meet later?_

 

Byulyi hastily sent the text message. She had spent the last 3 days with Wheein, but it was not enough. Not enough time, she had thought to herself. She needed to convince Wheein to stay. And if she couldn’t, then time spent without Wheein was time wasted.

 

The reply came almost an hour later – and the argument still went on even then that Byulyi thought about sneaking out for a break.

 

_Sure! What time will you finish? Hyejin is killing me T__T_

 

Byulyi chuckled to herself. She too, was once a victim of Hyejin’s shopaholic tendencies. Hyejin could take them to an unstoppable journey of venturing 20 different outlets in five hours and even then, she would still have the energy to take a look into another shop.

 

_9 PM. I’ll pick you up._

 

Byulyi drummed her fingers against the wooden table. The last thing she wanted was the meeting to be extended because of a debate over a title.

 

“We’ll decide on that later as the song is built. We can just continue putting the arrangement together for the time being, no?” Byulyi eventually spoke up, voice calm and the others eventually agreed to proceed. She breathed out a sigh of relief.

 

 

 

 

“Where do you want to take me?” Wheein asked as Byulyi’s motorbike sped up, swiftly overtaking a car at the left lane. Byulyi didn’t answer. Instead, she took a turn to the left, away from the main road. ‘She would notice the road,’ Byulyi had thought. There were a lot of places in Seoul in which Wheein had forgotten the exact location, but Byulyi was sure Wheein remembered this one.

 

Because they had annually visited the place since 10 years ago, every December of 22nd.

 

And Wheein did, of course. But she hadn’t expected Byulyi to take her there that day. They climbed down from the motorbike and Wheein still couldn’t peel her gaze away from the sight in front of her. It used to be very crowded there. With kids, families, couples. Wheein didn’t know if it was still as crowded at normal time – which was definitely not at a weekday’s night.

 

Then, she thought the place used to be more colorful. At night, neon lights of every possible color known to human would envelope every ride, every bench, everything she took a step in. It was almost dizzying, seeing that much colors.

 

But that night, Wheein and Byulyi stood at the front gate of the amusement park, and only four colors – that people like Byulyi could see – were present. Yellow in the center, white for the arms of the wheel, red dominating the cart, and some blue here and there.

 

It was Thursday night when Byulyi took Wheein to the amusement park. A “closed” sign at the entrance gate, a security guard who unlocked the gate at the sight of Byulyi, and a ferris wheel being the only ride lit on.

 

“Is it not supposed to be closed at 9?” Wheein asked when they walked in, smiling in gratitude to the security guard. She remembered on Byulyi’s 18th birthday, when they went together there, spending the whole day trying every available ride until it was dark and the announcement that the place would be closed in 5 minutes. It was past nine and they were the last visitors to leave.

 

“It is.” Byulyi nodded, casually shoving her hands in her pocket.

 

“Did you somehow buy this place?”

 

“What? No! I’m not rich enough for that,” Byulyi laughed.

 

The meeting with the producers had ended up at 7 PM and Byulyi had excused herself from a dinner gathering her senior lyricist had suggested. She then rode toward the amusement park to ask – which turned to beg and later turned to bribe – the guard to let her in that night. The guard finally agreed. There was not much visitor that day, like any other days, after more amusing amusement parks and entertaining entertainment centers had spread in the city like rash. That was admittedly Byulyi’s first time going there after 8 years.

 

Like every other place she used to hang out to with Wheein.

 

A friendly-looking officer had waited for them, opening the gate to access the ride. Byulyi noticed it was still the same officer. A man, probably in his 40’s, with small eyes and thin figure and unfaltering smile.

 

They were silent when they had seated inside the cart as the officer closed the door.

 

“Keep us up a bit longer at the top,” Byulyi told the officer and Wheein didn’t ask why.

 

The cart moved slowly up, the creaking sound of hinges was audible. The night view of Seoul slowly appeared by their eyes. It was a magnificent view, really, but none of them bothered to look. Each of them had their gaze on the other.

 

“It’s not your birthday.” Wheein said. Softly. As if they were in a vulnerable state and if she had voiced it out any louder, the ferris wheel would collapse along with everything between them.

 

“I know.” Byulyi said.

 

“But we can pretend.”

 

It was an unspoken tradition between them, when they were still in high school. That they would come there on Byulyi’s birthday and rode the ferris wheel before they went home. It had been snowing on Byulyi’s 19th birthday and they ended up watching the thick snowflakes from a merchandise shop.

 

_“We should just go home…” Byulyi said, glancing around at the slowly deserted area. The amusement park was originally less crowded on winter than it was on summer, but as the snow started to fall in the evening, people had started to leave._

 

_But Wheein pulled Byulyi’s hand and half-ran toward the ferris wheel._

 

_“After this.” She said._

 

_The wind was howling that it roared in Byulyi’s ears. It was worse when they had reached the top. A lot of snowflakes had caught up in Wheein’s hair, causing it to look damp. Byulyi had reached out to dust some flakes off Wheein’s coat but the latter caught her hand and pulled the birthday girl closer before pressing her lips against Byulyi’s cold ones._

 

_It was a chaste kiss but it lasted long._

 

_The winter weather was freezing and Wheein’s lips felt cold. The snow wetted their coats and thick white smokes were visible when they breathed out. Before Wheein could finish her birthday greeting, Byulyi had leaned in for another kiss, a lot more heated this time, and both of them had never felt any warmer._

 

Their cart ascended higher, further from the ground. Truth was, Byulyi didn’t even know what made her bring Wheein to the ferris wheel. Perhaps she just missed that certain moment she had with Wheein. A little private routine of their own. Something only she and Wheein had.

 

Or perhaps, she just wanted to pull Wheein back to all the times they spent together, chasing down the trail of memories in hope that maybe, by showing how happy they used to be; how invincible they were together, Wheein would want that kind of past again.

 

Maybe Byulyi just wished to not only be a part of Wheein’s past, but also her future.

 

 

 

 

 

“Happy birthday,”

 

Wheein said quietly. Eyes soft and lips curling up into a small smile. They had reached the top, everything offered by Seoul at night could be seen from up there. Maybe it was the summer breeze, which was somehow warm and sent Byulyi a familiar sense of melancholy. Or maybe it was the skyscrapers and street lamps, which illuminated the city replacing the stars. Or it was just Jung Wheein, smile blindingly bright and dimples so prominent, that the next thing Byulyi knew, she had leaned dangerously close to Wheein and closed the gap between them with a kiss on the lips.

 

Wheein was calm. Did not reject, yet did not return the kiss. As if she had expected the kiss beforehand. But what she did not expect was for Byulyi to ignore Wheein’s silent acceptance and pulled Wheein to her in one solid movement, eyes fluttered close and lips moving against Wheein’s in a very slow yet delicate movement that Wheein nearly slipped out a moan. She could sense everything in the kiss. Byulyi, who had been missing her so bad. Byulyi, who had been desperate for her to stay. Byulyi, who after all this time, didn’t let her love for Wheein wither. Not even a bit.

 

And it didn’t take longer than that for Wheein to reply the kiss. Her hands which were previously pressed against Byulyi’s shoulder for support moved and circled around her neck. Wheein closed her eyes and let her senses focused on Byulyi’s lips, Byulyi’s tongue, Byulyi’s teeth. Byulyi. Byulyi. Byulyi.

 

Wheein remembered the first guy she had kissed, back then when she was in France. He was younger than Wheein, an aspiring artist who was energetic and loud. Always taking the initiative. Always a step ahead.

 

They were not dating, Wheein knew that for sure. But there were times when the guy would stay a night or two at Wheein’s place and she let him kiss her. It was a heated, passionate kiss. Filled with want. Filled with lust that said that he wanted more. More than just a kiss. More than just Wheein.

 

Then she would remember Byulyi’s kisses. She remembered the soft lips that would sometimes just lingered there on hers, and she knew. She knew no one would kiss her like Byulyi did. There were kisses like the guy’s, which were done for the sake of kissing. Like achieving something, or complying with desire. But there were kisses like Byulyi’s, which were like breathing fresh air after getting drowned. Like a reminder that someone loved her that much.

 

When they eventually pulled away from each other, both were panting for air. Byulyi felt slightly disoriented and she had forgotten where they were. Wheein stared right into Byulyi’s eyes, chest still heaving up and down.

 

And then there was silence, for God knew how long, as they were just sitting there, staring into each other’s eyes. People who rode ferris wheel were always hyped up to see Seoul from up above, but that day, it was as if the city had its eyes on them. On two women, with an unfaltering love despite time and space.

 

The city, too, prayed with Byulyi that it would be enough to make Wheein stay.

 

 

 

 

 

The next day, Byulyi woke up with a smile. She hummed random tunes – mostly songs from Yongsun’s newest album – as she moonwalk-ed toward her coffee machine.

 

“You look cheery today. Did you just win a lottery?” Yongsun raised her eyebrows, questioning her co-worker’s sudden mood improvement. Byulyi had always been the reserved and calm type, always cautious about her feelings. Never too bubbly, never too angry. It was a rare sight to see her bounce around the company building like a kid on sugar rush.

 

“Better than that, Yong. A lot better than that,” Byulyi answered, the grin permanent on her face. She had even bought Yongsun’s favorite snacks on the way to work and a pack of energy drinks for the producers. Yongsun wondered what could be better than winning a lottery, but she shrugged it away, deciding that if it was great enough to make Byulyi treat her snacks, then she was content with that.

 

Meanwhile, Byulyi had busied herself in the studio room, her pen never stopping from scribbling down on the sheets of paper. She had so many things to write. So many sweet, cheesy lyrics to let out and happy melodies to hum. She remembered Wheein’s lips on her, dancing in sync with hers. Then she remembered their way home, and how Wheein had hugged her waist tighter than ever.

 

 _‘She will stay,’_ Byulyi said to herself.

 

She was never sure, but now after the kiss, she knew her feeling was mutual. And Wheein would stay.

 

 

 

 

 

The work ended sooner than usual. Byulyi had submitted 7 different versions of the song and the team was overwhelmed. Byulyi had even helped Yongsun in the melody and the result was a lot better than expected. At 4 PM, Byulyi was already walking to the parking lot. She had texted Wheein earlier, asking where she was but it was 2 hours and she hadn’t got any reply.

 

Byulyi wondered if she should just visit the hotel where Wheein and Hyejin had been staying when she spot a familiar figure right beside her motorbike.

 

“Wheein! Why are you here?” Byulyi jogged toward the lot where she parked her bike. Wheein was standing there, hands clasped in front of her as she smiled at Byulyi.

 

“Missing me already? I was about to go to your place,” Byulyi grinned.

 

“Byul…..”

 

That was when Byulyi noticed a luggage placed right beside Wheein.

 

“I’m leaving.”

 

 

 

 

Wheein dragged her luggage along the airport’s floor, Hyejin on her side. She had grabbed her boarding pass a bit too tight that it was crumpled on one side.

 

It felt like 8 years ago all over again, when Wheein walked along the airport’s hall with Hyejin as she continuously glanced around every 5 minutes.

 

_“She’s not coming,” Hyejin said, rubbing her best friend’s back. It was time for Wheein to board but a little part of her heart still wanted to wait._

 

_‘She will come.’_

 

_But Byulyi ended up not coming at all, and Wheein had cried to herself in the plane, the sky of Seoul was set further and further apart from her, and so was Byulyi._

 

Her leaving was abrupt. As sudden as a phone call from France at 6 AM in the morning, demanding Wheein to return. A grand project that would ensure her professional career, her dealer had said. “This guy has very limited time. He wants to meet you tomorrow night, so you better catch this evening’s flight.”

 

“But I haven’t even visited my hometown,” Wheein’s throat was dry. Her voice slightly trembled. What she really thought about was how she wouldn’t be able to tell Byulyi.

 

Or whether she really wanted to leave again, this time.

 

Eight years ago, Jung Wheein was a girl of dream. Like she was equipped with wide wings that allowed her to fly anywhere, anytime. All she had to do was to try.

 

She ventured the world, seeing different colors with her own eyes. Witnessing the beauty of different skies, different people. It wasn’t long when she discovered her passion in arts. She wanted people to see all the colors she saw.

 

But as what it happened to a lot of people, once a dream turned into a career, something that had become obligatory and done for the sake of living, the dreaming stopped. Wheein became less fascinated in the colors she saw. She traveled to paint, and she painted to sell.

 

Jung Wheein stopped dreaming.

 

_“Can’t you just stay? You can be an artist here,” Byulyi had said. Her voice was thin, as if she doubted herself. It was painful for Wheein to see Byulyi in that state. Strained. Vulnerable. As if she was at the edge of breaking._

 

_“I can’t, Byul… My job is there. There are… things I have to settle.” Wheein bit her lip in guilt._

 

_Then, somewhere along the way, when Wheein had come to say good bye in the parking lot, Byulyi had snapped at her, telling her how it was unfair for her._

 

_“Why would you kiss me back if you’re planning to leave me again all alone?! Jung Wheein, that is unfair!”_

 

_“Then you could’ve just gone with me to France! Or you could’ve done that 8 years ago,” Wheein shouted back. Tears were already flowing down her cheeks._

 

_Byulyi was silent. Her gaze was pained, staring at Wheein in desperation._

 

_“I can’t… I… My place is here.”_

 

_And with that, Wheein left._

 

Wheein let out a sigh, wiping the tears that she didn’t even realize had formed in her eyes.

 

“I’ll miss you,” she mumbled, pulling Hyejin into a very tight hug. “I’ll visit,” Hyejin said. It was sad to let Wheein go again, after only a few days spent with her. But not even distance or time could separate the two best friends for life. What Hyejin was concerned about was Byulyi. And not only about how Byulyi would be coping up with this – Hyejin had witnessed how miserable it was for her 8 years ago – but also how Wheein would do. Her best friend used to be so out of this world. As if she indeed belonged to another place. Somewhere bigger, prettier. But these days… These past few years, Wheein had become less and less different. She had blended in with the world, and Hyejin missed the friend who would say that her cat was white and the neighbor’s dog was black and that explained why they always fought. The current Wheein whom she was hugging was someone who would just comment about the food or the weather, or asked Hyejin where she wanted to go next.

 

After letting go of Hyejin, Wheein dragged her feet toward the boarding lounge, eyes nailed to the ground. She wanted to stay. She did. It was probably not only about her job, but maybe she wished this time, Byulyi would come for her.

 

She didn’t, of course. Because she was Byulyi. The same Byulyi from 8 years ago.


	5. Chapter 5

 

“When are you going?”

 

Byulyi and Wheein were in their regular ice cream date, a day after Wheein had showed up in Byulyi’s front door telling her she would leave. The ice cream in Byulyi’s hand was fast to melt, but she didn’t bother. Her mind was obviously somewhere else.

 

“Next week,” Wheein replied. Her ice cream was halfway done.

 

Byulyi gripped the cone tightly. Too tight that it was almost crumbling. Her vanilla ice cream melted and she could feel a drop sliding down to her fingers.

 

It was almost killing her how Wheein looked so casual. Sounded indifferent. As if leaving far away wouldn’t be much a hassle for her.

 

As if leaving Byulyi was easy for her.

 

And Byulyi almost asked her right then. _‘How are you just okay with that?’ ‘Aren’t you sad at all?’ ‘Is leaving really an easy thing for you?’_

 

_‘Do you even love me?’_

 

The last part was a bit tricky. It was something they were never so vocal about. Byulyi might be loud in expressing it, in every of gentle stroke on Wheein’s hair, in her gaze that immediately softened whenever she looked at Wheein, in how she would randomly hug Wheein from the back and pressed a kiss against her cheek. But neither of them had actually say the three words out loud.

 

Byulyi thought it didn’t matter. She loved Wheein, that was for sure, and she knew Wheein loved her, too. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have waited for Byulyi with an umbrella when Byulyi had to stay late at school and couldn’t go home due to the abrupt downpour. She wouldn’t have pasted glow-in-the-dark star stickers on her bedroom wall because she felt secure sleeping with it, _‘with Byulyi watching, keeping her safe in her sleep.’_

 

But then, when Wheein said she was leaving, and she finished her ice cream as if it was not something for them to be concerned about, a glint of doubt crept in Byulyi’s heart.

 

She suddenly felt an urge to hear the words from Wheein. Just for an assurance, just to make herself certain that she wasn’t in this alone. That she wasn’t in love alone.

 

But until the last day Wheein stayed in Seoul, none of them had uttered the words. Byulyi felt a pang of regret back then. She should’ve told Wheein that she loved her, more than anything else and she didn’t think she could ever love someone else more than she did to Wheein. Even telling it would not be enough. She should shout it to the world, in confidence and in certainty.

 

Because Wheein deserved to know that she was loved. She deserved to carry the promise of Byulyi’s love wherever she went. So that even if they were miles apart, Wheein could still see the star stickers on her bedroom wall and knew that Byulyi loved her. And she should know because she had heard it, loud and clear from Byulyi.

 

But Wheein had never heard it and Byulyi had never said it. Not when Wheein left the country. Not even when Wheein left her for the second time.

 

 

 

 

Byulyi woke up disoriented, with a painful pang in her head. Getting up from her couch, she felt like her entire body was a mush. ‘Shouldn’t have drunk that much,’ she thought – every damn time she drank a lot. She gingerly made her way toward the bathroom to notice she was still in her dress shirt from yesterday, then everything rushed back to her.

 

Last night was the night Wheein flew back to France. Byulyi had gone to her usual bar and spent the entire night there, getting wasted. She must’ve ended up calling Yongsun for help. Or she went home by herself, she didn’t remember.

 

What she remembered was the pain of realization that Wheein had left. Again. And it hurt a thousand times more than the previous case, because this time Byulyi had begged for her to stay, and she didn’t.

 

Byulyi let out a grunt when she reached her cupboard for a painkiller. How many bottles did she take last night? Chewing down the pills and grimacing at the bitterness, Byulyi took a glance at the clock. 1 PM. Wheein might have arrived, or she should be, soon.

 

She shook her head. _‘Nope, Moon Byulyi, you got this.’_ She heaved a sigh at the thought. No more Jung Wheein. ‘ _This was exactly like 8 years ago. You were completely fine without her and you’ll be completely fine any time soon.’_

 

A notification tune from her phone cut Byulyi’s train of thoughts. It was an e-mail from her coworker. Byulyi sighed, dismissing all reminders and notifications and immediately regretted doing so because once cleared from unread messages, the wallpaper of her phone came in sight. It was a photo of the ferris wheel she had taken two days ago, when she took Wheein there.

 

Byulyi opened her gallery, tapping on the trash bin symbol on the top right corner.

 

She would be fine.

 

 

 

 

“Byul-ah…” Yongsun’s voice was half an octave higher, trying to fight its way against the loud music to Byulyi’s ears.

 

“Let’s just go home, you’re drunk.”

 

Yongsun had accompanied Byulyi to her favorite bar. Byulyi had come there for three consecutive days, getting wasted each time. Yongsun had enough of seeing her friend miserable and persuaded Byulyi to stop, of course to no avail.

 

“She came to my life, filled it with all beautiful things,” Byulyi slurred the words, singing them like a tune.

 

 _‘How can this dumbass write songs when she’s drunk?! Geez, talent is scary,’_ Yongsun thought.

 

“Then she left, leaving me with only memories.”

 

“She came back again though, after fucking 8 years.”

 

Yongsun winced. Now, that sounded like a diss rap.

 

“And she showed me all the beautiful things once again.”

 

There was a crooked smile in Byulyi’s visage. She took another shot.

 

“And now she left again. Like I’m something she gets to fucking play with when she’s bored.”

 

A bitter chuckle, with tears threatening to fall.

 

“Tell me, Yong. Where did I go wrong?”

 

Byulyi’s voice was filled with nothing but agony. Her eyes were glistened with tears, red and an exposed display of pain. Yongsun pulled her into a hug, soothing the latter with continuous rub on the back. Byulyi let out another laugh. Again, a bitter one.

 

“What did I do so wrong that she leaves me again?”

 

Yongsun hugged Byulyi tighter, wondering if she should call Wheein later on, maybe asked her to talk to Byulyi and slap a sense to her. Maybe asked her to end things in a nice note. But as for now,

 

“Let’s just go home.”

 

 

 

Wheein had just finished her meeting with her art dealer when she got a call from Yongsun.

 

“Byulyi, she… She isn’t really doing well,” Yongsun had said and Wheein could feel her heart drop to her stomach at that information.

 

Wheein stared off at the distance, letting the colors of the people blend in into a blurred colorful hue upon her eyes. _‘I just think you should talk it out with her, you know. Giving the right closure.’_ Yongsun had told her.

 

What closure? Wheein thought.

 

Where did she even start? Back then 10 years ago when she first talked with Byulyi in the chemistry class? Far way back then during the freshman orientation when she just noticed Byulyi’s color? Last week when she met Byulyi again after 8 years?

 

Wheein caught a stray cat in her sight and instantly smiled. The cat was grey. Very dull, Wheein thought. It was a very gloomy day indeed. Perhaps because it was Magenta – Monday – and people tended to be murky on that day. It was also the day when Byulyi’s turquoise looked like teal.

 

_“No one can possibly love Monday,” Byulyi complained with a yawn, cheek pressed against the table as she frowned, trying to fight the drowsiness. Before Wheein could ask why, Byulyi had let out another yawn and said something about weekend being snatched from her sucks more than anything in a very sleepy tone._

 

_Wheein giggled, poking Byulyi on the cheek. She liked Monday. She had her least favorite class – Math – on Monday, but she also had her favorite – Chemistry. On Monday, she got to see Byulyi again._

 

Wheein smiled at the memory. Over those days she went back to France, she had been doubting. Eight years ago, it was fine. She was an eager little girl who wanted nothing more than her very own small adventures, noting down in the back of her mind the beauty of colors in the world. She would miss Byulyi every once in a while, but that was that.

 

She thought she moved on.

 

That, until she spent five days with Byulyi. Five days, and she didn’t think she could ever forget Byulyi ever again.

 

Wheein walked across Saint-Atoine, toward a modest apartment building she had spent her years in. At least now that she was back in France, she got to finish her exhibition. A small smile lingered on her lips, thinking about a unit she bought right beside her own room for a project she had been working on in her earlier years, before she got occupied with her world-tour exhibition.

 

She needed to at least bring closure to this one.

 

 

 

 

_“What’s the color of DBSK?” Byulyi had asked Wheein one day, when they were crashing at Byulyi’s place, watching re-runs of music broadcasting shows._

 

_“Red.” Wheein had answered._

 

_Byulyi shifted her head which was resting on Wheein’s lap, turning her head from the TV to face Wheein. “Huh? Every one of them? Like their fandom color?”_

 

_Wheein nodded. “Different hues, but all are red.”_

 

_Byulyi mumbled about how it was so fascinating before she continued her parade of questions._

 

_“Is anyone colored black?”_

 

_“Our principal.”_

 

_They both laughed. Byulyi thought it was very fitting._

 

_“Is black even a color, though?”_

 

_“I mean, there is a black and white version, and then there is a colored version. Does that not mean that black and white are not colors?”_

 

_Wheein let out a hum, following the tune of the current group that was performing._

 

_“They are colors.”_

 

_She didn’t provide further information, but Byulyi thought it was enough._

 

_“Who has the same color with me?” Byulyi asked. She remembered how Wheein had whispered to her when they were in a convenience store that the part-time worker there had the exact same color and hue as Hyejin’s._

 

_Wheein took a pause before she answered._

 

_“No one.”_

 

_This piqued Byulyi’s interest. She sat up, legs-crossed and faced Wheein._

 

_“I’m the only turquoise around?” There was amusement in her voice. Pride._

 

_Wheein turned to face Byulyi in return, head nodding in a firm manner._

 

_That was why it made turquoise her favorite color – and Byulyi her favorite person. Turquoise was not exactly a difficult color to search. She found it in the cover of notebooks sold in the library, her English teacher’s pen, the lid of a glass. But no one, not a single person she had met in her life, had Byulyi’s color. It was as if the color was reserved only for Byulyi and Wheein thought about how very fitting it was._

 

_“That’s cool,” Byulyi said._

 

_Wheein secretly disagreed. It wasn’t cool. It was fate. That Byulyi had a color that stood out the most, and Wheein was gifted with the ability to see it._

 

 

 

 

 

Two months had passed and Byulyi was gradually doing better. Yongsun would still notice Byulyi’s sudden mute or some moments when her eyes showed exceptional sadness, but other than that, she was functioning normally.

 

“I told you I’ll be fine, geez! You’re worrying too much,” Byulyi had said one day, when Yongsun was so persistent in visiting her place, bringing her dinner to the girl’s place.

 

But what Byulyi hadn’t expected was, in the middle of the take-out dinner, she got a phone call from Wheein.

 

She almost didn’t pick it up.

 

But of course, she did.

 

“Hello?” Byulyi’s voice was careful. Doubting. Hinted with pain.

 

Byulyi expected an apology, Wheein saying sorry and wanting to stay as good friends with Byulyi. But she didn’t.

 

“Come here.” Wheein said. Softly. Full of hope.

 

The next thing she knew, Byulyi was at the airport two days later, dragging her luggage to the boarding longue.

 

 

 

 

_“…What?” Byulyi asked. A pause of a few seconds after Wheein had told her to come there. She couldn’t believe Wheein had the audacity to leave and then told Byulyi to come for her months after._

 

_“There’s an important exhibition. A solo exhibition of mine,” Wheein explained._

 

_“Please… Please come here.”_

 

_Byulyi didn’t understand why Wheein needed her to be there. She had missed almost all exhibitions of Wheein’s. Heck, she didn’t even know Wheein was an artist until two months ago._

 

_“Byulyi,” Wheein said, when Byulyi persisted to refuse. Saying things about her work and the hassle of traveling._

 

_“This is the only thing I’ll ever ask you. Please come here.”_

 

_And with that, Byulyi booked a plane ticket to France._

 

Now that Byulyi was already at the airport, half an hour away from her flight, she wondered what this was all about. Was it the important exhibition Wheein had told her earlier that caused her to leave? Did she want to show Byulyi how grand it was, how important it was to justify her leaving? Did she want to implicitly tell her how she was worth less than her shooting career?

 

Byulyi heaved a sigh. It was pointless to do wild guessing, she would figure it out the next day, anyway.

 

 

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away from Incheon Airport, Wheein was setting up for her solo art exhibition. She took some steps backward, looking in contentment at the artwork she had been working days and nights to finish.

 

And with that, she smiled. Not because she was proud of her own painting, or because she could eventually showcase the project she had been working so hard on without everyone knowing, but because she remembered the first time she fell in love with the color, and how she kept falling deeper and deeper.

 

Jung Wheein found her dream once again, only it was different this time.


	6. Chapter 6

It was raining when Byulyi arrived at Charles de Gaulle Airport. She didn’t bring any umbrella – her red umbrella, a prize she got from a convenience store, was almost brand new since she was always too careless to carry it with her, even when the sky was murky grey.

 

Grey.

 

That was what she thought her world looked like, compared to Wheein’s. Many years ago, when things weren’t as complicated, when Byulyi could kiss Wheein whenever she wanted – she only needed to muster enough courage for that and hid her blush afterwards, she didn’t need to think of consequences – Byulyi and Wheein were hunting for street snacks. Across the intersection where they were was a pub, loud and colorful with tacky neon lights. Wheein chuckled.

 

_“Too many colors,” she had explained. Byulyi agreed, but that was only because the neon was pink and electric blue and white and they hurt Byulyi’s eyes. But Wheein saw beyond that. All the noises and the shouts and the muffled loud bass from the music. Wheein saw the streams of colors. Byulyi wondered if it hurt her eyes, too._

 

_“How many?” Byulyi asked, handing Wheein a paper cup of tteobokki they had ordered. Wheein looked away from the pub to look at Byulyi._

 

_“Too many.”_

 

_And Byulyi thought, compared to the colors Wheein witnessed, Byulyi’s life was grey._

 

_Wheein took the paper cup and quickly shoved a tteokbokki into her mouth, only to squeal at the scalding heat and laughed afterwards. Byulyi laughed, too and she thought that with Wheein in her side, she was the only color she ever needed._

 

That was years ago, though. When things weren’t complicated and days were filled with certainty. Certainty of Wheein’s presence and love. But now, as Byulyi fought the downpour in Paris to hail a cab towards an address Wheein had given her, nothing was certain anymore.

 

Not even Wheein’s love.

 

The trip across rainy Paris was gloomy. Right after the cab left the airport, the rain poured even harder, leaving the street views as nothing but blurred lines of raindrops hitting against the cab window. The driver tried to engage Byulyi in a conversation, in which Byulyi had to reply with an apologetic smile. Neither of them was fluent in English.

 

It took almost an hour to arrive at the address Wheein texted. Byulyi got off from the cab and gazed up at the apartment building in front of her. The rain had turned to soft drizzles, leaving small droplets of rain resting on top of Byulyi’s hair and coats, like dews. She frowned. The building was minimalistic, black and white and seeping out the aura of modernism. It was a place Byulyi would be quick to love.

 

But it certainly didn’t suit Wheein.

 

Byulyi sent a text to notify Wheein upon her arrival. As she waited for the latter, Byulyi could only think about how much Wheein had changed and how much she hadn’t.

 

 

 

 

“Sorry it’s a little cramped. I’m doing some cleaning,” Wheein said, ushering Byulyi in while she moved a card box that was blocking their ways. Byulyi looked around the moderately large place. Card boxes filled with stuffs were everywhere. _Is Wheein planning to move?_

 

Seeing Wheein again was weird. Just when Byulyi thought it was over for real, there they were, in close proximity to each other. Far, far away from Byulyi’s home. She couldn’t help but to wonder if it was a sign from God that she could continue her fight, or that this was the closure they both seek for.

 

Byulyi wanted to be mad at Wheein. At the absurdity of everything. At how she got the guts to ask – _beg_ – for Byulyi to fly thousand miles away after she had practically dumped her only to, what? Watching her clean up? But of course, Byulyi didn’t. Instead, she got up from the couch and helped Wheein with a large box, in which Wheein muttered a thank you.

 

“Are you moving out?” Byulyi asked to break the silence. Instead of answering, Wheein gave a dubious shrug.

 

Byulyi blew up at that.

 

“Wow, okay. Let’s get some things straight. So you left me right after I got my hopes up, dumping me just like that, like it’s a very easy decision. The, you called begging for me to come all the way here, in which I did. I fucking did and I can’t get one solid answer from a very simple question?! Jung Wheein, you’re unbelievable!”

 

Byulyi slightly panted after that, cheeks flushing red and eyes shooting daggers at Wheein. She had just poured all the bottled up frustrations, all the desperations and pity she had for herself that she could only confide in bottles of liquor and overtime hours of working.

 

Wheein’s gaze softened right after Byulyi exploded. There were very little times when Byulyi was angry at her. One of their biggest fights – other than the case with the bulles that caused them to sit apart from each other – was when Wheein got a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolate from a college student living across her place. Byulyi had blown up back then, demanding why Wheein hadn’t told her, but Wheein knew it wasn’t because it was entirely her fault. It was because Byulyi was jealous and she was frustrated because she didn’t know how to express it, and she had to be angry to channel her frustration.

 

This time, though, Wheein was fully aware that it was entirely her fault.

 

Wheein took a step closer to Byulyi. The latter didn’t flinch, but her gaze was trained on Wheein, filled with doubt that Wheein hated to see. Wheein took Byulyi’s hand in hers with extra gentleness, afraid that Byulyi might slip off of her hold if she wasn’t gentle enough. Byulyi’s curled fist slowly relaxed opened, and she didn’t pull away. She had calmed down, but her glare was still sharp on Wheein.

 

“I’ll take you to the exhibition.”

 

 

 

 

 

Byulyi had spent her entire high school years trying to figure Wheein out. When she thought she might be close, she wasn’t, at all. Especially now, when Wheein took her hand and got them out of her place, only to walk toward the flat next to hers.

 

Byulyi was too tired to snap out again. Whatever inside the flat must’ve been where Wheein had stored her paintings for her “grand exhibition” and maybe she just wanted Byulyi to get an advanced chance to see it before it was open for public.

 

Maybe Wheein was trying to make Byulyi understand how important the exhibition was for Wheein. Maybe she wanted to show Byulyi why she wanted her so badly to be there. Not Hyejin, not anyone else. But Byulyi.

 

Wheein inserted the key and turned the knob. As the door creaked opened and they stepped in, though, Byulyi could only let out a gasp, eyes wide in surprise.

 

There had only been five times that Byulyi attended an exhibition.

 

First. High-school’s art project. A permanent art museum in town. Byulyi only took several pictures for proof, spent around 10 seconds in front of a painting that caught her eyes, and then she went home. This was before Wheein happened.

 

Second. A sunny spring day. Contemporary art exhibition with Yongsun. Byulyi stared at a square canvas, divided into 4 grids, each grid had different colors: orange, green, blue, and yellow. She wondered how such simple artwork could sell for more than $5000.

 

Third. Another spring. Of course, with Yongsun. She forgot the theme of the exhibition, something related to the future. Byulyi remembered a sculpture of a constellation and remembered posting the picture of it in her social media.

 

Fourth. Two months ago. With Yongsun, and uncannily stumbled upon her early high school memories. Wheein’s solo exhibition. Wheein, in her place. Wheein, in their high school. Wheein, lips on top of hers.

 

Wheein, left.

 

Fifth. Right now. An exhibition that had somehow brought Byulyi all the way from Seoul to Paris. Wheein’s solo exhibition.

 

Wheein’s solo exhibition of Byulyi.

 

As they stepped into the room and Wheein closed the door behind them in a loud click, Byulyi couldn’t help but to look around in complete astonishment.

 

The entire room was white, from the floor to the ceiling. There was no furniture, not even a single chair. But what made Byulyi at awe was not that. It was the paintings, lined from one end to another end on the wall and on the ceiling, all painted in one color.

 

All were painting of one girl.

 

Byulyi saw herself in reading glasses, fixing her gaze on her computer. Byulyi saw herself, nose crunched up when she laughed. Herself playing with Wheein’s cat. Playing arcade games. Riding her motorbike. Falling asleep at class. The list went on.

 

In every spot, except for the floor, was Byulyi, in Wheein’s eyes.

 

Byulyi. In turquoise.

 

“What… is this?” Byulyi croaked out the question, she didn’t even realize she had her jaw dropped. Her eyes were still fixed on a painting of her, furrowing her eyebrows in deep thoughts. After a while, Byulyi turned her attention to a smiling Wheein beside her and repeated her question.

 

“What is this?”

 

“It’s my exhibition. The paintings I’ve been working.” Wheein answered matter-of-fact-ly.

 

“Why?” Byulyi asked again.

 

Why did you paint me?

 

Why did you show this to me?

 

But her question only stopped at why, because she knew Wheein would understand what she meant.

 

“Because you changed my life.” Wheein answered, voice soft but without any hesitation. Before Byulyi could respond, Wheein had continued, “It was dull before I met you. Yes, I could see what people couldn’t. That had once made me feel special, but then it started to make me feel isolated. Then you came, with your amusement, and your wonders, and it made me… feel special again.”

 

Wheein took both of Byulyi’s palms, squeezing them in hers.

 

“No matter how many colors there were, yours always stood up. Fading others in the process that it’s always easy for me to pick up. You became my favorite color very easily.”

 

“And you made me dream. Dream of more colors, dream of discovering colors as beautiful as yours. I used to wonder if there’s any other turquoise. I used to wonder why you’re the only turquoise.”

 

Wheein led Byulyi’s palms to her lips and pressed a kiss against them.

 

“Then somewhere along the way, some times between those 8 years, I settled. I forgot my original purpose and just stopped. Settling here in Paris.”

 

Wheein’s eyes met Byulyi’s. She couldn’t decide what was that look in her eyes. Sadness? Pity? Regret? Whatever it was, Wheein couldn’t stand the intensity that she had to look away, shifting her gaze toward Byulyi’s hands in hers.

 

“If you wonder… It kills me. Oh Byulyi, how it does kill me, not being with you. I could only dream of you in my sleep, reliving you in my paintings.” Wheein gestured at the room. She wanted to tell Byulyi that she still slept with glow-in-the-dark star stickers on her wall, but decided not to. She didn’t know if it still mattered.

 

There was a pause and Byulyi was still mute, before Wheein continued.

 

“I never wanted to hurt you…” Her voice trembled with obvious pain and regret. She blinked away the tears as she dared herself to stare at Byulyi.

 

Byulyi broke down at that. Her tears trickled down her cheeks and Wheein cried at that, too. For a while, they both cried in each other’s arms.

 

When they had finally calmed down, Byulyi was hugging Wheein so tight, refusing to let go.

 

“You said you used to wonder. If I’m the only turquoise. Do you get your answer?” Byulyi murmured.

 

Wheein didn’t answer. Instead, she pulled away from Byulyi’s embrace – in which Byulyi very reluctantly let go – and leaned in for a kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

Wheein’s head was rested against Byulyi’s chest as they both lay down in the middle of the room, staring at the painting of Byulyi, trails of stars around her head like flower crown.

 

The previous kiss had turned into another heated one, and another one, and another one, until Byulyi’s lips desperately traveled to Wheein’s jaw and neck and collarbone, proudly gaining herself vague red marks on Wheein’s fair skin and airy moan from the latter. Not until Wheein squished Byulyi’s cheeks and pecked her lips that Byulyi stopped, pursing her lips into a sulky pout.

 

“I’m not going to move out,” Wheein said, after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

 

“I’m not going to move out, I’m going to places.” She continued.

 

Byulyi turned her face to Wheein, wondering how it never failed to amaze her how perfect Wheein looked. Every damn time.

 

“You’re traveling again?” Byulyi asked. In spite of everything, she still had wished Wheein would stay.

 

“I barely went to 5 countries,” Wheein faced Byulyi, smiling until her dimples were prominently visible. “But this time, I won’t leave you.”

 

Byulyi smiled at that. She knew, Wheein was made for something greater than just her mundane world. A person like Wheein, she deserved to witness all the beauties that lay on earth. She knew, just like she did know 8 years ago. Only, this time she got to bid her farewell – no, not a good bye. A see you again. This time, she would take Wheein to the airport.

 

Byulyi then leaned in for a long, gentle kiss. A kiss that tasted like memories of a high school first love. A kiss that tasted like home, and hope. A kiss that tasted like love.

 

Once upon a time, Byulyi met a girl. She could see colors in people, in days, in voices, in everything. Her best friend called it synesthesia, but the girl preferred calling it magic. Byulyi agreed, and she wanted nothing more than this girl – her girl – to list everything in the world along with its respective colors.

 

She was confident the color turquoise would only mark two things:

 

Moon Byulyi.

 

And, today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

PROLOGUE

 

 

It was more than obvious that Yongsun was nervous. Byulyi was sure her friend had a total of 10 kms of distance with all the back-and-forth pacing she had done for the past hours.

 

“Relax, unnie. It’s not really different than your usual performances,” Byulyi tried to calm her down, for the nth time.

 

“Nothing about this is usual, Byul!” Yongsun’s eyes were wide with panic. “What if they don’t understand my songs? What if I misspell things? Omo, what if this doesn’t fit their culture??”

 

It was Yongsun’s first world tour. And her very first destination after Seoul was the city of Big Apple. She had previously attended an overseas music show, sure. But a solo world tour was her very first. How could she relax at that?

 

A staff came in and told them to stand by at the backstage. Yongsun took her last gulp of water and chanted a prayer. Byulyi was suddenly nervous, as well. She would only accompany Yongsun on a few stages on instrument and raps, but she couldn’t help the funny twist in her stomach.

 

To their surprise, the concert hall was full. Packed of people cheering for them with bright lightsticks and colorful banners, despite the chilling season. They both had worried that not many people would come due to the winter, but apparently their assumption was wrong. The crowds cheered wildly when Yongsun and Byulyi made their entrance to the stage. It sent shivers down Byulyi’s spine. Bright lights shooting at them, thousands of people coming for them. Byulyi had always been satisfied being the woman behind the stage, producing songs but never really performing them. There were only few rare chances like this when Byulyi played the piano and Yongsun sang.

 

And that was when she saw her. Thousands of people in the venue and it was as easy as finding a yellow in a sea of blues. Wheein stood there, right beside Hyejin, waving her lightstick and having her eyes fixed on Byulyi. Byulyi smiled, and Wheein smiled, too.

 

Byulyi spent so many years trying to understand Wheein. She didn’t understand her when they first met in Chemistry class, a loner who always sat at the very back of the class. She didn’t understand her when they worked on projects together, Wheein and her world of colors. She didn’t understand her when she went to France, or when she came back, or when she left again. She didn’t even completely understand her when she saw her exclusive exhibition of hers and took Wheein to the airport.

 

“Where to, this time?” Byulyi asked, as she helped with Wheein’s luggage. Wheein showed her the plane ticket and Byulyi could only laugh.

 

Not everyone was granted with a capability to understand Jung Wheein. One among the luckiest was Ahn Hyejin, her best friend for life.

 

Another, who eventually did, during one December in a concert hall, was Moon Byulyi.

 

She understood, the matter of leaving was never about the distance.

 

And this time, Jung Wheein would never leave her.

 

 

 

After the first song ended, Byulyi led her gaze back to Wheein, and that very moment, she swore she could see a flicker of color enveloping Wheein’s outline. And Byulyi chuckled at how fitting everything was.

 

 

 

 


End file.
